Peacefully Serene

The State of Ease

2011-07-16T16:22:00.000-05:00

Free e-book from Doc Childre. This book contains the "Inner-Ease™
Technique" which can be very helpful in times of stress. Check it out!

http://www.heartmath.org/free-services/downloads/state-of-ease.html
The book is also available in 6 languages other than English.

Helpful Books

2011-07-07T21:31:00.002-05:00

The Breath of the River.

2011-07-07T21:17:00.004-05:00

The breath of the river slowly rises from the banks
and spreads toward the sleeping countryside.

Music from the movie, "Home", sung by

Adèle Carlier

The Mind-killer

2010-11-16T18:50:00.000-06:00

I was speaking with my sister recently when I remembered a class I attended where it was said that the Buddha taught that some people are born (or develop the capacity to absorb or experience) pain or fear for another person. I like that idea. I like that my fear might be a good thing, that I might be helping someone else by processing my fear or pain.

My technique for dealing with fear is to let it pass through me (like in the movie "Dune", "fear is the mind-killer..."). I surrender to fear and let it wash over me. For me, it feels like I am opening up my chest and letting fear in. Resistance to the fear is what causes it to escalate. Resistance can certainly cause suffering, all by itself. I find that by surrendering/accepting fear, I am much more present. I am much more "in the moment" than I have ever been before.

I say bring it on!

SOCIETY OF DREAMS - LIQUID MIND

2010-10-16T21:04:00.001-05:00

This is a sample of Chuck Wild's beautiful music. It is so slow and gentle that it can cure whatever ails you!

Are You Feeling Lost?

2010-10-16T20:56:00.001-05:00

I know, from experience, that fear can be overwhelming. I just want you to know that nothing lasts forever! Good times are ahead. I think it is my calling to show others that you can work though fear. Not only that you can work through it but that you will be stronger in the end.

I have been watching videos of talks in the Project Camelot Library. For me, it is very comforting to listen to people that are explaining what I went through...with all the fear, and how it is a sign of evolving into a higher "place". I can look back and see that I felt the world was a scary place, full of dangers. Things that used to matter to me lost their value. I had no direction and no goal. Over time, I got used to the "not knowing". I can now look back and see that going through what I went through was important! I feel lighter, now. I still can honestly say that I know nothing. I am still living in a third world country that is experiencing lots of violence related to drugs but it is still a beautiful place! I don't know what I am supposed to do or where I am supposed to go, but who cares? It's all going to work out perfectly. All things in their own time.

I am now coming out of the closet (not as a gay man, though I am!) as a new age freak, as a believer in magical experiences. I also believe in UFOs and in aliens. No, I have never seen one but I believe it is inevitable that I will. I believe that we are transforming into higher beings...fear is a byproduct of the transition process. I believe in miracles. Yep, I definitely believe in miracles!

Love Signal 528 Hz (extended mix ) Alpha binaural beats

2010-09-14T20:17:00.000-05:00

Beautiful Meditation Music by Mellowcore

2010-09-14T20:05:00.004-05:00

<a href="http://store.mellowcore.com/album/gammadrone">Gammadrone by Mellowcore</a>

To hear the long meditation, click on the blue words: Gammadrone (Quantum Edit), you will see a drop-down menu with the other choice of Gammadrone (Binaural Beats Meditation)...click on that and enjoy! Best if listened to with headphones on.

I am also enjoying meditation music by Unisonic Ascension, http://www.unisonicascension.com/. There are many of her samples on YouTube. I have been enjoying her video called Love Signal. I am going to post it as a separate post.

Deuter - Petite Fleur

2010-08-30T08:56:00.001-05:00

I have a huge collection of Deuter's music. This piece is breathtakingly beautiful! This is what "peace" must sound like.

Last Night at Dinner

2010-08-28T17:54:00.001-05:00

Last night, I went to dinner at Linda and Saul's house. We ended up talking about the economy in the United States and how hardship makes people more creative (thanks "C" for the idea for this post). Which reminded me of Simon Schama's video series about artists, especially Vincent Van Gogh. Mr. Schama posed the idea that Van Gogh's mental hardships changed him and was the energy or catalyst behind his paintings. The idea is that Van Gogh's paintings were a grounding element in his life and they were fueled by his hardships. Without his depression/anxiety, he wouldn't have been such an amazing artist. During Vincent Van Gogh's life he was a failure in almost every sense of the word, from love life to friendships to art sales, and yet he kept working. Van Gogh could paint a painting in a day. After all that work, he only sold one painting during his lifetime.

To put things into perspective, what is your anxiety fueling? What is your greatest good that requires this "energy" or "catalyst" to keep it going? Is your anxiety out of control because you aren't living your higher-calling? Just something to think about...

Mul Mantra, sung by Snatam Kaur

2010-08-09T22:48:00.000-05:00

I love this chant! It is great to focus on something so beautiful. It is an easy way to remove yourself from negative thinking.

"Here is one God, truth by name, the creator, without fear, without hate, timeless in form, beyond birth, self existent, known by the grace of the guru."

Libana-I Will Be Gentle With Myself

2010-08-08T07:06:00.002-05:00

Part of the problem that many of us face is that we are so critical of ourselves. We feel intrinsically flawed for being afraid all of the time. We feel weak. I know I felt like I was crazy all the time. The good news is that the fear is changing us, like coal under pressure eventually becomes a diamond. We are transforming and the only way to end the process is to go through it. Be gentle with yourself. Let this play out. You are a child of the Universe!

Hope

2010-08-07T12:30:00.000-05:00

Have you given up hope? Have you gone to every doctor you can find only to be told that you need to try (fill in the blank) and you will get better? Have you scoured the internet looking for articles about anxiety only to find that you can't find any help? Is that what you are doing right now? Have you searched for so long and tried everything and are giving up ever finding a solution? Well, good!

It is when you have given up hope of finding a solution that you realize the problem can't be solved by someone or something else. If you take medication (in my case, for years) you still have the underlying problem, you are just covering it up. The fear is still lurking around the corner, waiting for you to stop taking your medications. You are the problem and the solution. The problem and the solution are both within you. In a way, this is a gift. How many people do you know are overcome by their fears? Probably a lot. How many people successfully deal with it? Not many. This is an opportunity to not only deal with fear but understand that it is happening for a reason. The reason is to become stronger. It is to face your issues and to transform yourself into a higher being. It is to use your biggest issue in life...to help others that are hurting!

This is our task!

Looking at the Past, Looking Toward the Future

2010-08-06T20:28:00.000-05:00

How many things did I try before I finally gave up? I probably need to add at this point that I was forced to quit searching outside of myself because I was running out of money! I went to psychiatrists who prescribed several different medications that were supposed to help me but I eventually became addicted to Xanax. Wow, getting off of that was tough but it's been more than a year since I have taken any. I had to have a doctor's help because it was dangerous to go off of it cold-turkey. I also spent a fortune on books that I just knew would have the answer. I have boxes of them. I am not saying that all of the things I tried and all of the doctors I visited didn't help. What I am saying is that searching outside of myself was giving away my power. This is a struggle every day. It feels as if the fear is just at arms length and that I could be overwhelmed again at any moment. The answer, for me, is allowing it.

I have an image that I carry with me of opening myself up, like window shutters, and allowing the fear in. Resistance was what gave the fear the energy to continue. The greater my resistance, the stronger the fear. I allow it. I wouldn't say I welcome it but I let it in. I let it be. I find that I might have a scary thought but before you know it I am distracted by a bug or my dog, Sophie Mae, and the fearful thought is gone. That is the nature of the mind. It is always changing.

I have recently started studying Tibetan Buddhism because Buddhists really "get" the nature of the mind. They have studied it inside and out and have some wonderful advice for dealing with "run-away" thoughts that if you latch on to, can make you miserable.

Acupuncture

2009-03-05T13:02:00.007-06:00

(post updated July 21, 2010) It has been more than a year since I have posted to my PS blog. In all of that time I have learned much and spent most of my savings going from one doctor to another looking for solutions. Oh, the stories I could tell. Wait a minute. Isn't that what this blog is for? First off, let me point out that the person mentioned in the previous blog posting wasn't able to help me at all. I had such high hopes!!! In fact, I am removing her name because I don't wan't to mislead people in any way into thinking one type of therapy might work better over another therapy or that this therapist was endorsed by me. This was an expensive lesson.

(the following is the original post, only slightly edited to remove the name I mentioned above) This has been an strange month in a lot of ways. Due to a series of coincidences, I discovered a wonderful Doctor of Oriental Medicine. Actually, I started seeing her because I have been experiencing vertigo for over a month. Of course my treatment started the traditional way with antibiotics and Dramamine and a diuretic and anti-inflammatory medicine, and ear drops... and all of this after a blood test to rule out the usual Mexican culprits. Of these, nothing worked and it just seemed to get worse. ~~xxxxxxxxxxx~~, here in San Miguel, said that I had called the right person and we started the acupuncture and herbs this past Monday.

In the meantime, I told her about my anxiety and we are going to be doing a diagnostic next week to see what the cause of all this is about. I have finally been able to sleep since the treatments started on Monday and my vertigo is much better! What a relief.

When Fear Falls Away

2009-03-04T13:50:00.007-06:00

"When Fear Falls Away - The Story of a Sudden Awakening", by Jan Frazier is my book of the week. I loved it so much that I set up an appointment with Jan and we talked for almost an hour. "When Fear Falls Away", is a book about an ordinary woman that was filled with fear, and eventually, she woke up and all of her fear was gone. The book is set up in journal fashion with many entries from the early days when she suffered a lot. It takes the reader through her many different spiritual searches and then suddenly, and shockingly, she experiences an awakening! Her life after the awakening is the most profound part of the book. I had no idea what life would look like without fear and now I know because of Jan's book.

Our conversation was mainly about my own suffering (caused by thinking) and how freedom is already here, I am just not aware of it. I took pages of notes but they are very personal and I will treasure them. We talked about her spiritual path and what she thought led to the awakening but the point she was trying to make to me was that she wasn't exactly sure what led to it (maybe a combination of many things). It was a very special conversation that touched me profoundly. We ended the conversation with Jan telling me that I could drop all of my fear in an instant if I just chose to do so.

The book was a comfort to me and I am sure it would be a comfort to anyone suffering. It is filled with Jan's personal life and her insights. I give the book 5 stars out of 5. It is highly recommended because it doesn't try to fix fear or make you feel sick or mentally inferior, the book is all about transcending or awakening by seeing life from a completely different perspective. It is beautifully written and very poetic in spots. Get this book!

Here is a link to Jan's beautiful new website: http://www.janfrazierteachings.com/blog/

Insight Into Healing #1

2009-02-19T09:34:00.003-06:00

Exercise. I have been walking up the mountain here in San Miguel and monitoring my emotions. I can now say for certain that exercising is a great way to change your mental attitude. I started walking for about 45 minutes in the morning and after about 4 weeks, I increased it to twice a day. Luckily, I am living near a mounting that goes from a slight incline to a very steep incline. So, half of the walk is straight up and then the second half is all downhill.

There are times when I still have difficult times but usually, after the second walk, I am in a fantastic mood. There really is something to this release of endorphins in the brain being linked to a sense of well-being. I think that for me, exercising burns up a lot of the extra energy I was turning into anxiety. When you are really tired, there is no energy left to turn into worrying thoughts. Exercise is my first recommendation for someone experiencing anxiety.

Your Life's Purpose

2009-01-28T12:35:00.006-06:00

While reading Michael Brown's blog, "Living in Aberdeen", I started to cry. It was a very touching entry and reveals much about Michael. The reason I was so touched is that I have been feeling trapped lately. The feeling is sort of like being in perpetual limbo. I know I need to do something with my life that makes a difference and yet I have no idea what that would look like. Fear also has me feeling stuck. Luckily, I have an idea of something that I want to do and that excites me. My friend Terra, pointed out that the anxiety I was feeling was simply because I wasn't on my life path. She said that if I was doing what my heart called me to do, there would be no fear. The following from Michael Brown's blog is a perfect example of what I am struggling with. I guess the point is that we are always changing and can have many different life paths. Maybe the old one was fine for a while but now it's time for a new one?

"Everything finally fell into place today. I started the day assisting my friend Nikolas move loads of San Pedro (a type of cactus...sorry, no brackets on my Mexican keyboard) out of the sun so they would be shaded until he planted them on his land. We shall fetch another trailer load of these medicinal plants from Anton at Obesa Nursery this week. All this is being given freely to us.

I then returned home while Nikolas planted. I spent the next four hours writing another addition of Conversations With Yesuare - and as I finished writing and was about to edit it, I got 'the blue screen of death' and my computer shut down. When I restarted it, I discovered the entire document had been obliterated. I was stunned. It was such a marvelous piece of insight and I simply did not have the energy to start rewriting it again. I screamed as loudly as I could - because I could. It felt really good even though I already know release is not as efficient as the resolution of containment. Then I went and lay down and slept.

I was awoken three times by young children at the door asking for bread. It made me angry. I sat with my anger and asked myself I was angry because children were asking me for food? They were not asking for money to buy sweets or glue to sniff - they were asking for food. They came back again later and I asked them where their parents were? They told me they were passed-out - drunk - and had been that way since Friday evening. I gave them some bread, and when they left, I wept - which dissolved my anger completely.

I then went into the garden and began watering. The even gust tugged at my entire being not allowing me to feel any sense of peace or calm. My mind wondered over my various activities since I have been here in Aberdeen. I had initially secured this space -this home - with an intent to somehow serve this community. At the same time, I have had very clear dreams not to organize or advertise, but simply to prepare the location for the presence of people. Also, in the last two months, I have been accumulating basic foodstuffs like rice, salt, turmeric, etc. For a few eeks I would go out every day and buy what I could carry home. I felt driven to do so by an inner voice I have grown to implicitly trust beyond my ability to meet it through mental understandings.

Then, as I was completing my watering, I did something I haven't done for a long time: I prayed for guidance. I asked to be shown what it is I am to do here in Aberdeen, because I really do not know? I then went into the kitchen and warmed up a pot of rice I had stored in the fridge and added some spices, tomatoes, and other odds and ends to it. For days now I have had little appetite, and in this moment of preparing this meal I suddenly realized why: I have been finding it hard to eat because there is so much unattended hunger around me. These children has been coming every day asking for food and I have not been listening to them. I have also felt angry because I do not know how to help in any way that is tangible? Talking about THE PRESENCE PROCESS to those suffering in this community is pointless: They are hungry and alcohol addicted, not seeking metaphysical explanation for their plight. Then, right in the moment my food was ready, I heard a soft knocking at the door. I opened it and there stood two colored kids called Mario and Jonathon. It was already dark outside. They told me softly in Afrikaans that they were hungry - did I have any more bread? They said their parents were drunk and had not fed them for two days. Instead of leaving them waiting at the door, which I normally did, I brought them into the kitchen, gave them each a bowl and a spoon, and ladled the ready food in for them. I gave them slices of bread. In that moment I realized I was experientially receiving the answer to my prayer. What I am here to do begins with these two hungry children. In that moment I also remembered the night The Virgin of Guadalupe appeared to me during a Yaqui Indain Easter Celebration in Tucson and said five clear words: "Take care of the children." Since then I had journey into the predicament of my own inner child, and now I had travelled all the way to this moment to stand before these two hungry children. I realized why, for the past weeks, I had been gathering basic foodstuffs. I also realized why Nikolas and I were accumulating so much San Pedro cactus. It all came together with the clarity of a bell that had been struck once, gently, but deliberately: Food and medicine. Food and Medicine. It rang true.

After the two boys left, one 12 years old and one 14, I ladled the remaining small portion into my own bowl. For the first time in days I felt my appetite return, and although there was not much food left in the pot, it was deeply satisfying because I could finally eat in peace, knowing those kids were not going to bed hungry. Suddenly, waves of emotion welled up within my heart and I sobbed. I was sobbing with gratitude and relief because I felt I was being adorned by a blanket of clarity....

...Tonight, as I ladled food into the bowls held by those small, vulnerable hands, I felt completely present and in total sync with everything around me. I felt like I had for those few moments truly become as food and medicine. THE PRESENCE PROCESS has unexpectedly brought me back to my roots in a way that empowers me to be available as food and medicine for this small community. What a journey. What a prayer. What a simple and obvious way to be of service."

From Michael Brown's blog, "Living in Aberdeen". Michael Brown's website is www.thepresenceportal.com. Michael's books can be found on Amazon.com and at Namaste Publishing. Michael is a truly enlightened being and a great writer. I recommend his books to everyone.

Hypnosis Recordings

2009-01-24T15:20:00.005-06:00

I have been collecting hypnosis recordings for a while now. For someone that is anxious, simple meditation can be very difficult because thoughts are already out of control and sitting still is just asking for trouble. I have found that guided meditations or hypnosis can be very helpful at replacing the negative self-talk and allow me to relax. Some of them are great and some are just Okay and some can be horrible. In this entry, I will review some recordings by Dr. Emmitt Miller, Doreen Blumenfeld, Belleruth Naparstek, and Kimberly Miles.

It is vitally important that a hypnosis recording satisfy several specific requirements in order to be effective. I have found that if a hypnotherapist has an irritating voice, I won't get anything out of it. I have also found that if they use ridiculous analogies or ask you to visualize something that goes against your personal beliefs (I personally find overt Christian imagery outdated and offensive). So, after purchasing many hypnosis programs, the first four hypnotherapists that I want to review are below:

Dr. Emmitt Miller (http://www.drmiller.com/), has an amazingly soothing voice. It is perfect for hypnosis recordings. I also very much like his imagery, his affirmations, and his messages. My only complaint is that the exercises are short. I personally would have liked to see either two tracks that were at least 30 minutes long or longer with several techniques added together. I mean, who wants to sit down for 13 minutes to meditate? I am barely relaxed in 13 minutes. I have the recording "Abolish Anxiety", and think it is brilliant (except for the length of the tracks). Who knows, maybe you will like the shorter length tracks?

Doreen Blumenfeld (http://www.hearthill.com/index.htm), is the perfect hypnotherapist in my humble opinion. Her recordings on Amazon.com are extremely affordable. And, she has an amazingly relaxing voice which I find very soothing. I also really like her guided imagery and the meditation itself. I have two of her meditations, "Journey Into Deep Relaxation", and "Journey Into Healing Light". I prefer the "Healing Light" but that is just personal taste. Check her out, I don't think you will be disappointed! The meditations for me were the perfect length of about 40 or 45 minutes. These are my favorites and I give them my seal of approval!!!

Next on my list is Belleruth Naparsteck (http://www.healthjourneys.com/index.asp). I discovered Belleruth on the Conscious Media Network (link above left). Well, this hypnotherapist I had problems with. I don't care for her voice. I found it annoying to the point of distraction. One night I tried going to sleep with her meditation playing and every time she said a word with an "S" in it, I was jarred awake! I also thought her tracks were too short. There was a guided imagery followed by affirmations and I found listening to both in one meditation session to be weird. Like I said before, I don't want to meditate for just a few minutes, so I listened to a few tracks to get the length of time I wanted. Her imagery was Okay, but when she starts the meditation and lists all the places you can choose for yourself as a "safe place", she went overboard listing about 30 different possibilities! My advice is to stay away from these recordings. Unfortunately, I bought several of the recordings which you can easily (maybe too easily) download from her website.

Last on my list is Kimberly Miles (http://www.kimberlymiles.com/index.htm). I really liked the price of this guided meditation on Amazon.com. I also found her voice to be very soothing. My only problem is that she wants you to visualize using a computer in the meditation. What she asks you to do is very technical and I am not sure it lends itself to a hypnosis or meditation session. You know, delete this file and search for this file and then do this and finally do that to this file. Maybe it's because I have been having trouble with my computer lately that I found the whole thing very stressful and weird. I am sure that it was a good idea to use a computer because it is easy to delete files but I think if she would have tried a little harder, she might have been able to come up with a better solution to what she was trying to accomplish. I have the CD, "The Art of Letting Go". I don't want to sound like I am totally dissing this CD because it is valuable but just not my favorite.

I have several other hypnosis CD's but will save them for another time.

How Cool Is This?

2009-01-24T15:15:00.003-06:00

My interview with Chuck Wild has ended up on his website! You can check it out below or here: http://www.liquidmindmusic.com/anxiety/index.html

Thanks Chuck! Don't forget, Chuck's newest CD will be released March 3rd, 2009. I can't wait.

Best Relaxation Music

2009-01-06T23:26:00.004-06:00

I have mentioned that I love "Liquid Mind" music but I haven't mentioned any others. On my computer, I have several artists that are almost as good as Chuck's music. My second favorite is Deuter. His work is fantastic. Not all of it is soothing so check it out first. I also really like Aeoliah's music. I discovered Aeoliah, on Amazon.com where you can find tons of his work for cheap! I am not kidding. I downloaded several CDs for less than $2 (the CDs were two tracks long, about 30 minutes each track. Amazon only charges .89 or .99 a track!!!). I am a firm believer in the healing power of music and would like everybody who is looking for music to relax or even to meditate with, to check these artists out.

My favorites of "Liquid Mind"...all of them. They are all fantastic.

My favorites of Deuter: "Buddha Nature", "East of the Full Moon", "Koyasan Reiki Healing", and "Earth Blue" (honorable mention goes to "Nada Himalaya", which is just ringing Tibetan bowls).

My favorites of Aeoliah: "Angel Touch", "Angel Love", "Realms of Grace", and "Majesty".

If you have any suggestions for me, please leave me a message by clicking on comments.

Panic Away VS. The Linden Method

2009-01-04T10:35:00.004-06:00

In this post, I want to compare two products that I found to be helpful. However, one of them was very helpful while the other one only slightly. The way I look at it is that any help is worth the money but then again, if you can get all the help you need (or most) from one program it sure isn't a bad idea to save some money.

My first attempt at downloading a program was Joe Barry's Panic Away. The advice was good for helping me deal with the panic attacks directly but did little for the general anxiety (feeling anxious from dawn till dusk). Panic Away comes with an e-book that is about 151 pages. It does a pretty good job of describing what anxiety is and the different types of anxiety. His method is then summed up in a 7 minute recording called "One Move", where he helps you deal with a panic attack while it is happening. It also comes with a year of counseling (phone in or email). This is all very helpful, but for me, it wasn't enough. I need to mention at this point that I got an email from Joe telling me that he has updated his program. It is now much more expensive but it comes with a "real" book and CDs. I think he is trying to tackle the issues missing from his first program.

Recently, while searching the internet in the middle of the night, I came across the Linden Method. Of course, both programs tackle the issue of what anxiety is but the Linden program also has a long section of Charles Linden's experience with anxiety. It is a fascenating story, filled with anguish and hope. He was very brave to tell so much about himself, it is very personal. The difference between the two programs is that while the e-books are somewhat similar, Charles included the wonderful biography and his Nine Pillar plan along with many other helpful suggestions to help with general anxiety (along with several other anxiety problems like PTSD and Obsessive Combpulsive Dissorders). He also has included several recordings. There is an interview and an introduction. He has also included a visualization recording and several guided meditations as well as an excercise program featuring Qui Gong. I found the Linden Method very comprehensive and effective. I highly recommend it!

I am going to wait and see what Joe Barry does with his new program. Who knows, it might be wonderful.

Note: I am not associated with either of these programs and have not received any compensation for using their products or for mentioning them. Good luck to all searching for help for their anxiety.

Jill Bolte Taylor

2008-12-25T12:49:00.018-06:00

Last night, while browsing the internet, I came across an interview with Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor on the World Puja Network. I was so moved by what she had to say that I listened to it three times and took notes. Her talk directly applies to people with run-away thoughts like anxiety. Please note that my typing isn't the fastest so my notes are paraphrased and any and all mistakes are my own. If you want to listen to the talk (which I recommend), I will include a link at the end of this post.

We have the conscious power to decide whether or not we want to think those thoughts! You can turn your mind to something else. You have the ability to pick and choose. The more you choose a happy thought, your thinking will go back to that. You have the choice. Just laugh at the thoughts you don’t like because they are just circuitry. As soon as you engage with it…it feeds it. If you just observe it, it doesn’t feed it. You are not a total slave to what is going on in your brain. The brain is always changing. The longer you think about something it becomes habit. You have to do it repetitively and be committed to changing the circuitry. It only takes 21 days.

The brain is always changing. The more you think about something, the more it becomes habit. You have to be diligent and be committed to changing the circuitry. It only takes 21 days to create a new habit.

The right hemisphere is always on and always blissful. The left hemisphere's purpose is to interact with the world but can be turned off when it doesn’t serve us. We each have the ability to pay attention to when we are in the right hemisphere. The longer you can keep yourself there the quicker you can bring yourself back there when you get out of it. Just pay attention. You know you are there (right hemisphere) when you are relaxed and rejuvenated. You can put yourself there by simply remembering what it feels like.

Most people have 12 emotions. Each has a circuitry that triggers a physiological response in the body by dumping chemicals in the blood stream. There is a 90 second rule which is how long it takes the chemicals to leave the blood stream. When you feel yourself getting angry you can observe it by saying to yourself that anger has been triggered. In 90 seconds it will be flushed out of your system. If you get hooked into it, it can be very unhealthy for the body. Pay attention to what your emotions feel like inside your body so that you can just observe instead of engaging. Once you learn to deactivate, you will observe that some people in your life pride themselves in how easy it is to trigger your emotions. No one has the power to trigger your emotions because they are just neuro-circuitry. We have the power to de-escalate. Pay attention to thoughts and emotions. Say…I am not my thoughts or emotions; they are circuits running in my brain and body. I have the choice of which circuits I will run!

Don’t give your power away to your circuitry! You can create a new relationship with your body, a relationship that you have chosen.

The interview was on the website "World Puja Network", and the interview was by Maureen Moss. I first saw Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor on Oprah and that interview can be seen on Oprah's website (I am not linking to that because Oprah's site changes all the time and the link won't work in two weeks). Dr. Jill has two websites (links below), one dedicated to her work and her book and the other has a forum to talk about Dr. Jill's information. Her book is called "My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey" and can be found wherever books are sold.

Dr. Jill's Website

Dr. Jill's Forum Website

Mary Jane Miller

2008-12-21T20:27:00.006-06:00

Being an artist myself, it is rare for me to see artwork that I want to own. I usually find myself saying...I could do that! I don't have artwork on my walls because I like looking at clean and empty space. The walls of my house are a blank canvas. However, when I saw Mary Jane Miller's Icons, I wanted one (and I remind her all the time). We met at her gallery years ago and over the years have become friends. In fact, I took one of her classes about a year and a half ago and it changed me, on the inside. Icons are truly a window into another dimension, a heavenly dimension. When I look at Mary Jane's work I am transported; I am filled with peace.

I asked Mary Jane about her unusual pieces and believe me when I say she is very creative and marches to her own drum. Occasionally, she will paint a Buddha Icon and I have seen a series of paintings of the "Last Supper", but with very different (from the traditional) settings like in a Middle Eastern silk tent with men sitting on carpets and wearing turbans.

I wanted to include Mary Jane in my blog because I believe artwork can heal the soul, and her work does!

1. Mary Jane, how were you first introduced to painting Icons?

Twelve years ago I took a workshop as a kindness to a friend that organized a workshop and didn't have enough people to pay the instructor. The instructor was an benedictine priest/orthodox iconographer want-a-be. He taught the icon workshop with acrylics. The painting was of no consequence to me but his 15 minute lecture/slide show every morning for 5 days introduced and allowed me to fall in love with the imagery and history of icon painting as a language.

2. How long have you been painting Icons? 12 years.

3. Can you talk a little about the spiritual aspects involved in painting an Icon?

The use of egg tempera is a spiritual experience by its very nature. Egg yolk, the raw potential for life and million year old dirt combine to create divine image. As basic and simple as it is, over time one begins to see the simplicity of Christ's message. We humans are made of spirit (symbolic egg yolk) and flesh (symbolic dirt) we are all images or living icons of Christ.

4. How does it make you feel knowing you have successfully merged your career and your spirituality? It's challenging and humbling.

5. Can you talk a little about what makes your Icons so unique?

Are they? I try to find myself and the spirit of god as I paint. The final image always falls slightly short. Short enough to want to try painting another icon, and so it goes week after week.

6. What do you hope people take away from viewing your Icons?

If they have one thought about the mystery of why are we here, I would consider the finished work a gift and a good reason for me to keep working.

7. What projects are you currently working on?

I have just published on LULU.com, a how to paint an icon by hand book, "Icon Painting Revealed",
and a small collection of icons "The Mary Collection", meditations on the virgin. I am currently painting and working on the 7 sacraments series presented as a narrative. They are 24'x36" and taking way too long.

Mary Jane Miller's work can be seen on her website: www.sanmiguelicons.com

Dr. Albert Ellis on Five Unrealistic Desires or Beliefs

2008-12-20T14:24:00.005-06:00

In Chuck's interview, he mentioned Dr. Albert Ellis' list of five main unrealistic desires or beliefs that cause anxiety. So, I tracked down the list. It has definitely given me something to think about! Here is the list:

The desire always to have the love and admiration of all people important to you. This is unrealistic because you have no control over other peoples minds. People can have bad days, can see things in odd ways, can make mistakes, or can be plain disagreeable and awkward.

The desire to always be thoroughly competent. This is unrealistic because you only achieve competence at a new level by making mistakes. Everybody has bad days and makes mistakes. One of the benefits of training with better athletes is that you can see them making mistakes and having bad days too.

The belief that external factors cause all misfortune. Often negative events can be caused by your own negative attitudes. Similarly your own negative attitudes can cause you to view neutral events negatively. Another athlete might find something positive in something you view as a problem.

The desire that events should always turn out the way that you want them to and people should always do what you want. Other people have their own agendas and do what they want to do.

The belief that everything that has happened in the past will inevitably condition and control what |will happen| in the future. Very often things can be improved or changed if you try hard enough, or look at things in a different way. (all credit for this list goes to Dr. Albert Ellis)

Chuck Wild Interview

2008-12-19T10:27:00.008-06:00

Here is the interview with Chuck Wild ("Liquid Mind"). This might possibly be the most wonderful and informative interview I have read, all thanks to Chuck. My questions to Chuck are in italics. 12/18/08

Hi Kelley,

Really good questions... I've done my best to answer, and thanks so much for the opportunity to share my experience. I've proof-read it as best I can, so here goes:

Question: We know that you dealt with a bout of anxiety and panic in the '80s. What insights have you made about that period in your life?

Near the top of my list of insights would be these:

(1) Healing from anxiety opened the door to a better life for me: Though it might not have seemed like it at the time, having anxiety and panic was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It convinced me to make many changes in my life that lead to a healthier, saner way of living and thinking. It forced me to stop and take a good look at my life.

(2) I learned that there is a high price to pay for overworking: My life was completely out of perspective while I was scoring the ABC network television show "Max Headroom". The deadlines were short, computer systems were new and frequently crashed back then. The seven day a week, 18-20 hour days without a break for three months led me to a nasty case of sleep deprivation, anxiety, and panic attacks. Until the show was canceled in November of 1987, I was also drinking an enormous amount of coffee and other caffeinated beverages. BTW, I haven't had any caffeine (coffee, tea, chocolate, etc.) in over 20 years since January of 1988.

(3) I learned to get support, and get it as frequently as needed: A parallel story to my crazy working hours was the emotional strain of having more than fifty friends, associates, acquaintances and family die of HIV/Aids or cancer during the period 1984-1994, and not really getting much support to help me process what was going on. I don't think I shed a tear at any of those funerals, I just couldn't allow my grief in. My support was both professional (counseling), non-professional (support groups), spiritual (meditation), and literary (books). I'll share details a little later.

(4) I learned the holistic approach to living: My physical, mental, spiritual and emotional health are all intertwined, and if I don't pay attention to one area, it is likely to affect another area of my life. I learned that my health, wealth, work and the relationships and love in my life were similarly intertwined. I set out to put together a toolbox of life tools to help me balance my life and heal from the anxiety. The album titles of the Liquid Mind series related to things I was going through at the time.

(5) I learned to set boundaries in work hours, in relationships, in expectations for myself: Looking back, I didn't set enough boundaries to maintain a healthy life, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I didn't know how to "keep it simple". My life was a complex maze of work and chaos. Also, Max Headroom was the first show I ever scored, and I had little experience in that area. I've learned to stay closer within my circle of competence until I have proper training.

Do you have any advice to give someone still suffering from panic and anxiety? What did you find to be the most help?

Well, I can share my experience as to what helped me the most. None of this is original, I'm just recycling what I learned from other sources:

(1) Clearing meditation was invaluable in giving me some "golden" moments of complete relaxation in the midst of the panic. Every morning I used a simple meditation: I would sit quietly, no music, close my eyes, and breathing in, I counted to 1. Breathing out I counted to 2. Breathing in, I counted to 3, etc., until I reach 10. Then I would start over. Just counting worked best for me. I started out doing it for 1-2 minutes, then 5 minutes, then as I experienced some relaxation, I actually worked up to one hour sessions of quiet clearing meditation. Lots of thoughts would come to mind, but I'd just let them come and go, that's the nature of contemplation. Eventually, my mind became calm for longer periods and it gave me some hope.

(2) Stopping all caffeine: In January of 1988, I had my last cup of coffee. I don't even drink decaf, as it has some residual caffeine. No tea or chocolate either. When I'm tired during the day, I take a power nap for 15 minutes... takes the same amount of time, and for me is much healthier.

(3) Listening to slow music: I composed my own music, because nothing I could find really was slow enough for me. I listened to my own music 24 hours a day, which helped me to avoid taking any medication through my recovery. I just didn't want to turn my power over to a substance, and I was determined to find a way to heal on my own. The details of how I used the music are here at my "heuristic":
http://www.liquidmindmusic.com/musictherapy/heuristic.html

(4) Counseling (professional): Having a therapist experienced in treating anxiety walk me through the darker days and nights was important to me.

(5) Establishing a healthy routine: I learned to schedule my days and nights realistically (and not over schedule). Especially important to me was that every morning I devoted (and still do) the first hour of the day to Chuck... I use it for meditation, reading, prayer, any spiritual pursuits, and in this way set a healthy tone for the day.

(6) Acknowledging that I had no control over anything except myself was a big step. Letting go of trying to change others was important. I used to be "Mr. Fix it" for both family and friends, and I realized that the best thing I could do was to take care of myself, and let others have the dignity of their own experience.

(7) Thought police: Exaggerated thinking caused my anxiety, and after about a year, I could more easily recognize those thoughts, and I'd just say "STOP!" out loud when I started going into that anxious, worried, panicky state.

(8) Letting go of my perfectionist tendencies really helped! The old saying about the 3 P's really is true: Perfectionism leads to procrastination leads to paralysis. And for me panic and anxiety attacks were an extreme form of paralysis.

(9) Letting go of the past, and erasing the though in my head that the past will inevitably repeat itself. As I changed my own negative thought patterns and attitudes, I realized I was a different person, and that I would no longer react in the same way I did. That was a big one for me:) My fear of having a panic attack actually faded to almost nothing over time.

(10) Journalling was an effective way to organize my thoughts when I was anxiety ridden. I found a "problem/solution" format of journalling helpful. This process helped me to focus on the positive, or to accept those things I couldn't change, and move on.

(11) Support groups (professional and non-professional): There are an abundance of groups in almost every community: spiritual, twelve-step, group therapy, the list is long. I suggest to others that they take advantage of anything that feels good to them after attending a few meetings.

Here are some resources I found invaluable as I was healing:

BOOKS:
(1) Claire Weekes' HOPE AND HELP FOR YOUR NERVES was a book that was never out of my sight the first six months of healing. It truly gave me hope before I found a good therapist to work with.

(2) David Burn's FEELING GOOD , a cognitive self-therapy classic, is a brilliant book that taught me a lot about thinking healthfully, especially as some depression almost always accompanies anxiety. I referred to it daily for several months in my darkest times.

(3) Dr. Albert Ellis wrote a short essay about the five unrealistic desires or beliefs that cause anxiety. You can find it in various places on the web, including here.

(4) The Way of Life According to Lao Tzu (Witter Bynner translation) was another constant companion, a spiritual guide of sorts for me.

HANDY TECHNIQUES I LEARNED FROM VARIOUS OTHER SOURCES:
(1) Table of Life simile: (credit to the late Brian Miller, Ph. D.) Your life is like a table. If your table has lots of support, many legs, if one of those legs falls off, you are still supported; however, if you only have a few legs on your "table", and one of those falls off, the table will fall over, and your life will be unsupported. For example, when I had anxiety in the late 1980's, I had only a couple of friends, no support group, no spiritual practice, no meditation, no tools to deal with life, and was not communicating regularly with my family... no hobbies, no recreation, just work. So when the TV show I worked on was canceled, and two of my friends died of HIV/Aids, I had no support, and started having nearly constant panic attacks. To this day, I occasionally draw the picture of a table and fill in the legs. i have 20 or more legs on my table now, and that feels good.

(2) You're only as sick as your secrets: I learned that a life of rigorous honesty can be difficult, but also very free-ing. An example of this is my being out of the closet as a gay man, and being very public about my past struggle with anxiety and panic disorder.

(3) The Values List ("What's important to me today?"): To this day, I've found one of the most useful techniques for keeping me out of anxiety is knowing very clearly what is important to me, and making decisions about how to spend my time and life in ways that are in consonance with those values. I prioritize my values as well, putting them in order of importance. I start with the big four: Health, Love, Work, Wealth, and add to that list with things that are important to me. Every month I review this list, just to see if something has changed. If I'm feeling uncomfortable about a decision I've made, I will look at my values list and compare the decision to the list, trying to match my inner feelings with my outer actions.

As you know, I love your music. The story about how you started making "Liquid Mind" music is fascinating and fits perfectly with the theme of this blog (the spiritual solutions to anxiety). It is wonderful that you were able to marry your gift with your healing and then share that with the world. Can you share with us the process of creating a CD? As someone who knows nothing about that business, it would be interesting to hear. Do you start with a concept (like Bach) or do you just wing it?

The process of creating Liquid Mind is a very slow one for me, partially because I don't do caffeine, and the music makes me sleepy (LOL!). I don't start with a concept, except that the tempo of the music is the tempo of my breathing. I usually write very early in the morning (5 or 6 a.m.), and sometimes sketch it out on staff paper. Other times, I play it from my head, other times it is based on an improvisation. I often have a melody in my head, and just need to go to a synth and play it.

Once the sketches are complete (which takes about a month for an hour of Liquid Mind music), then I begin the more difficult task of orchestrating and arranging. While Liquid Mind music sounds simple, there are often 20 or more tracks, fading one to the other, to create the "sound" I like. After arranging (which takes 3 months), then I being the mixing process, which is the most difficult aspect. I mix through six different sets of speakers (large, small, studio, consumer, car, blaster, etc.) at three different volumes (loud, medium, small), just to ensure the music will sound good in different settings. Finally comes the mastering, where I set the EQ & relative volume levels, using the master "ears" of one of the finest mastering engineers in the world, Bernie Grundman. Mastering is much more important in Liquid Mind than other types of music, because the sound of the music is critical to the relaxation effect.

You mentioned on your website that you had some major influences like Bach and Rachmaninoff as well as Brian Eno. What are your favorite 5 CD's and why?

My favorites seem to change over the years. I don't listen to any music except my own when I'm recording, so I haven't listened to much over the past year. A few pieces I will admit to listening to repeatedly over the years are:
(1) Arvo Part's Tabula Rasa and Alina
(2) Durufle's Requiem and Faure's Requiem
(3) Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto Number 3 performed by leif Ove Andsnes
(4) Brahms' Symphony No. 4 in E Minor (by Berliner Philharmonic)
(5) Tchaikovsky's Symphony No. 3 in D (Antoni Wit & Polish National Radio Symphony)

What are you working on at the moment?

I just finished recording my 10th album, Liquid Mind IX: Lullaby, which will be coming out March 3, 2009. I'm also recording some "gait training" music for donation to the American Music Therapy Association. This music is used by certified therapists to help patients with stroke or paralysis learn to walk again.

By the way, I'd like to acknowledge the wonderful label I'm signed to, Real Music, a label with great integrity whose mission is to spread relaxing and healing music throughout the world. Real Music is the home to many other artists who share the values of its owners, Terence Yallop and Karen Kael.

As you can see, Chuck was so kind to take so much time to carefully answer my questions. I owe you Chuck! I found the answers very enlightening and helpful. My hope is that it will help other people that are dealing with anxiety as well.

"Liquid Mind" CDs

2008-12-17T20:45:00.016-06:00

Before I post the interview with Chuck, I want to mention that there are 7 CDs in the "Liquid Mind" collection at the moment. They are:

Ambience Minimus

Slow World

Liquid Mind III: Balance

Liquid Mind IV: Unity

Liquid Mind V: Serenity

Liquid Mind V: Spirit

Liquid Mind VI: Sleep

Relax: A Liquid Mind Experience (this is Chuck's greatest hits CD; it contains tracks from the other CDs)

They can be purchased wherever music is sold or can be downloaded from Itunes, Realmusic, and Amazon.com, among others. Remember, Itunes downloads are in the mp4 format and can only be played in Apple devices. I have asked Chuck about future releases and can't wait to hear what he is working on! I also want to add that I am not affiliated with Realmusic (Liquid Mind record label) nor do I stand to profit monetarily in any way through this post. I just really like this music.

"Liquid Mind"

2008-12-16T10:00:00.028-06:00

My first Interview for this blog is with the brilliant musician, Chuck Wild. I discovered his music this past year on Apple Itunes while searching for relaxing music to meditate to. He creates his music under the name, "Liquid Mind", which I find very appropriate. In my research, I have never found any music like Chuck's. It shimmers and is soft like summer air on your face. The music is so relaxing and slow, without a beat, that you can't help but calm down even in the midst of lots of stress. I listen to his music every night, before I go to bed and even all night long. Listening to "Liquid Mind" has become a nightly ritual for me.

Chuck has worked with some very famous musicians like Capitol Records' group "Missing Persons", Frank Zappa, Michael Jackson, Paula Abdul, Jennifer Rush, and many others. I wrote to Chuck and he kindly agreed to let me copy from one of the articles on his website.

Heuristic: A personal history of the use and development of "ultra-slow" music.

“Composer Chuck Wild is a longtime advocate of using slow music in healing settings. The Liquid Mind series evolved as a vital part of the composer’s own successful healing from anxiety and panic disorder, brought on by long hours working in network television, as well as the grief of losing dozens of friends to HIV and cancer in a few short years in the 1980s. Wild resolved in 1988 to create his own brand of “zero beat” sedative music, enabling him to relax deeply during that stressful period, and he has been sharing this music with others in need of healing for 17 years.

Background: At the time of onset of my panic and anxiety symptoms in 1987, I had been working 20 hour days for three months, composing music for the ABC-TV series Max Headroom. The combination of the long hours and resulting sleep deprivation, along with the grief of losing literally dozens of friends and associates to HIV and cancer in a few short years in the late 1980's resulted in a nearly incessant case of panic and anxiety disorder. I often had more than ten panic attacks within one day, and was near exhaustion.

Many of the symptoms of classic panic disorder were present (nervousness, ringing in the ears, muscle tension, rapid pulse, rapid breathing, tingling in the extremities, feelings of losing mental control, exaggerated fear response), and in addition, I felt a heightened sensitivity to sound, light, motion, volume, and any aural activity. My response was to isolate, and I soon became agoraphobic, not leaving my house for nearly 3 weeks.

I was offered medication by my doctor, but after a brief usage (48 hours), decided to pursue nonpharmaceutical options, due to the potential collateral damage from polypharmacy. My search for alternatives led me to meditation and music. I had little luck finding prerecorded extremely slow, deeply relaxing music. I found only a few isolated pieces on some early ambient electronic albums, so a counselor suggested I compose music that would reflect the health and relaxation I wanted to feel.

I designed the Liquid Mind prescriptive sedative music to facilitate my own healing regimen with no reliance on pharmaceuticals. My self-imposed prescription was that the music should be slow in tempo, rich harmonically, more or less continuous, somewhat frequency restricted, atmospheric (did not attract too much attention to itself), and emotionally rich. Of all these elements, the most important was that the compositions be unrushed, at a very slow tempo, without discernible meter, or a meter that reflected only healthy breathing patterns.

Using sedative music (rather than medication), in conjunction with psychotherapy and meditation, I felt an increased sense of control, confidence, focus, and mobility, as I gathered the tools for a healthier and saner life. Episodes of anxiety, panic and overwhelm became less and less frequent. A growing sense of independence and working hard at my healing regimen helped to restore my sense of “having a life”, and assisted me in the re-socialization process. Ultra-slow music proved to be a consistent and reliable tool to engender higher quality sleep and a reduction of anxiety and tension symptoms.

Making my own prescriptive sedative music available to others:
After six years of using my own music (1988-1994), and seeing how it had helped me return to a productive life, I started a privately owned record label in 1994 solely for the purpose of distributing ultra-slow music. I managed Chuck Wild Records from 1994 to 2004, recording six albums. In 2004, as my company outgrew my own time availability, I agreed to allow Real Music, a respected independent record label (whose long-time mission has been to spread relaxing and healing music throughout the world) to become the Liquid Mind label, distributor, and licensor.”

Written by Chuck Wild and can be found in whole on the website: Liquid Mind, and Chuck's Personal Website.

In the following week, I will be interviewing Chuck and will post it very soon. He is a very kind person to let a complete stranger contact him out of the blue and generously let me interview him. I promised him I would keep it short! I will also review his many “Liquid Mind” CDs very soon as well.

My Mission

2008-12-15T20:37:00.004-06:00

Since this is the first post, I will try to tackle several topics at once. First, I would like to address the reason for starting this blog. I should probably mention at this point that I have had anxiety attacks most of my life…and not known what they were. I was afraid to fly (ask me some time to tell you about the hypnosis session to resolve my fear of flying!). I was afraid to go to the doctor/dentist. Somehow I managed to fly and go to the doctor, but always with great fear. Some time last spring, I started having them again. The difference this time was that they weren’t just site specific but started happening everywhere, even at home. It was debilitating to say the least. It eventually turned into general anxiety. I would feel anxious from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed. I felt like I was going crazy.

I sought help from a couple of psychiatrists and even tried medications, but nothing seemed to help. It was a very bleak time. In fact, the whole time I was trying to get help, I intuitively knew that seeing doctors wasn’t going to help me because I didn’t want to talk about what happened to me when I was a year old or when I was potty trained or my step-fathers and whether or not we got along. Dredging up the past just seemed to be opening up old wounds that really should be left alone. My problems might have started when I was a child but I am now an adult and need help now! I just knew that I was looking for help in the wrong places.

This brings me to the second point that I want to talk about and that is why I want to focus on the spiritual solutions to anxiety. I can’t tell you how much money I have spent over the years on doctors, medications, music/CDs/MP3s/self-hypnosis tapes, and books, in the hopes of getting some relief. It is obscene. However, if you are in pain, you will do just about anything to get relief. I realized through this very dark period in my life that my life was off track and that I wouldn’t be happy until I made some big changes. I wanted my life to make a difference. I needed to help other people suffering like I was. I made a vow that if I ever got better, I would dedicate my life to helping other people with anxiety. The things that have helped me the most of all had a spiritual element involved and that is where my blog will differ from almost all of the others out there.

Now back to the first point. I wanted to create this blog because in my search for help, I had a very difficult time finding information from anyone not only actively searching for solutions but actually succeeding. Oh sure, there are tons of websites trying to sell stuff and make money but I wanted real help. I realized that if I couldn’t find what I needed then there may be others out there also searching for the same things. In this blog, I am going to talk about my search for help. I am going to review CDs and music and books and websites and teachers (you get the point) all in some way dealing with fear. I am hoping that other people with share information as well. Here is to a brighter day filled with peace and serenity!